The War Inside

Rest your cheek, for a moment,
on this drunken cheek.
Let me forget the war
and cruelty inside myself.
I hold these silver coins
in my hand; give me your
wine of golden light.
You have opened the seven
doors of heaven; now lay
your hand generously on my
tightened heart.
All I have to offer is
this illusion, my self.
Give it a nickname at
least that is real.
Only you can restore what
you have broken;
help my broken head.

Rumi

Day seven post from 30 day expansion

DAY SEVEN!!!
Wow did I eat too much food at my moms last night. Other then that, life is a grande!!! The new moon has past, the sun is shining, and so the beginning has begun. Because of this, I would like to start next weeks theme early, or call today more of the transition period. Here we move from the love we have given and grown within, to the act of outward expression. Since everything in the universe has a pulsation, its perfect to honor that motion and share what we have given to ourselves. Now that we understand our love, we gotta show others this understanding!!!
I started thinking a few days ago a bit deeper about the work we have been doing. And coincidentally it hit me that everything is work. So even though we can conceptualize with our brilliant minds, can we actualize our ambitions?? We can only truly create with action, and this action originates from its conception in our internal (mental/spiritual) womb. Once the birthday comes around we get hit with the fact that we got some work to do.
Work - hmmmmmm, i think this word has been psychologically abused, within our minds, because of the societal construct we live in. SOoooo....... how can we help rearrange our relationship with it?
I say lets change the concept, lets look at it like an ultimate life purpose rather then a paycheck that fulfills our physical requirements.
You know, I think we all struggle a bit with this reality because we're looking for more purpose. And what larger purpose could we find, then our added energy to the collective joy and compassionate understanding of one another on our own journeys!!!

Familiarity

There is a sensation welling up inside. It feels physically like my chest is cracking open, energetically like my throat is swollen, and a pulsing inside of my head that is oh so familiar, except this time, in a different way. I feel emotion creeping through me, but when I try to express it, like I have done before, it doesn't come out. The little voice inside me says that "that's not what it is."
I have no clue and I do not want to know anymore, I'm tired of knowing. Knowing hasn't gotten me anything except the entertainment I wish to no longer entertain. I want no side of the picture to be "mine". I want no opinion that is strong and convicting. I want no thing.
Lets get straight to it then, I want happiness. I am ready to stop kicking cans and beating around the bush. Happiness is it. To smile at others and myself in all ways, at all times, inside and out.

I am
I am here
I have a right to want
I have a right to desire
I have a right to happiness
and the right to be my happiness.
I am ready to be softer to myself not just others.
I am ready to believe that I am important.
I am
I am here
I am real
I am ready
I believe in me
I am solid
I am not invisible
I am influential
I am powerful
I am
I am love
I am loving
I am the best thing that has ever happened to me
I am thankful
I am blessed.
I am ready to give everything I have
I am ready to hold nothing back for my "self"
I am
I
I forgive you
I trust you
I love you
I am joyful for it all
I am because of it all
I am joy because of it
I am it
I am and I am not.

Day 3 insight of my november 30 day expansion!

DAY THREE!!!

SOoo, today i was confronted by the aggressiveness of how i want to change everything. How dissatisfied I am with how I have been treating myself internally. The two are the same, they're both resistance, and neither have helped me nurture myself. So i have created an internal dialogue of quarrel, of fight and flight. I feel my forehead clenching the skin between my eyebrows and I am constantly telling myself to relax. So i have set an offering, and from there I can grow. I see not only things inside but outside starting to shift and I am resisting. The ego in me does not want to let go, it loves to be present in my life. It loves to be recognized in its say, no matter how much it doesn't make sense. This ego has grown from all the places of discontent and victory. And so would you consider this character to have any other say then from that? Today I re-cognize the dualism inside of myself. I envelope the people that exist in me and attach to neither. From here I can observe that there is no need to be "good" or "right', but a place in which i can reside and watch. So if resistance has been a part of you, and you feel the two people inside always bickering, do not disassociate but rather exceed the attachment of who you are, to either of these ideas.