Surrender

I surrender my self to thee, I am no longer more.
I see my fears and embrace them, I say to thee, No longer shall I love you more
This heart has been a vessel, in which I thought to fill.
This life has been a story in which I thought was more,
These hands have been of purpose, and thought to be just one,
I fell prey to these illusions, and this, I will no more.

If I were to be of purpose, it would be unlike this more,
I would be in service and see my hands over pour.
This life is not to take, I am not I, but you.
And with my disregard have done you no service.
Light upon my heart, and this will be undone,
Illuminate my breathe for hers to burn,
Consume me,
And I will be no more.

We two will gather and slumber in our trust,
I will see no longer the more in which I feared
Yet hold those, as you hold me now, in nurture.
May this heart be one for the rest.
I surrender my death, and live in your eternity.



Daniel

Your Magnificence

I hope that these words will be more of a mantra to yourselves, as if you were reading from a journal you forgot about.





May my heart become numb to my senses, and my mind quarrel no more with the past loss and the futures false promises. I am not what I have always thought I was, I am so much more and yet nothing at all. My magnificence is not actualized as an individual, but through communion with my family. Communion with my world and her ever giving nature of equilibrium and honesty. May my body survive to the time most necessary and let me be compassionate with my moment of death. Where I to will be honest with my birth right to give back to what I have taken from. With all my thanks I release my heart and “self” to her hands. May I find my solace in my mysteries, and a home in my uncertainties. I will laughter, into my life and into the wind of the world, so that I may spread the fire of my soul to ignite and heat brighter the light of others. I see my role, I except my path. I look forward from here on out. I feel the heart beat of us all growing stronger and louder. I hear our voices awakening. I am in love with this life and thankful for this time. Here we will conquer, here we will stand. Here we will remember our actions we knew we had to plan. Let these actions not be of one for another, but one seen as influenced as the other through us.



She is calling us from inside, she says that now is the time. Be not alarmed for there is nothing to wake from, your eyes are already open.





Please pass it on :)

The War Inside

Rest your cheek, for a moment,
on this drunken cheek.
Let me forget the war
and cruelty inside myself.
I hold these silver coins
in my hand; give me your
wine of golden light.
You have opened the seven
doors of heaven; now lay
your hand generously on my
tightened heart.
All I have to offer is
this illusion, my self.
Give it a nickname at
least that is real.
Only you can restore what
you have broken;
help my broken head.

Rumi

Day seven post from 30 day expansion

DAY SEVEN!!!
Wow did I eat too much food at my moms last night. Other then that, life is a grande!!! The new moon has past, the sun is shining, and so the beginning has begun. Because of this, I would like to start next weeks theme early, or call today more of the transition period. Here we move from the love we have given and grown within, to the act of outward expression. Since everything in the universe has a pulsation, its perfect to honor that motion and share what we have given to ourselves. Now that we understand our love, we gotta show others this understanding!!!
I started thinking a few days ago a bit deeper about the work we have been doing. And coincidentally it hit me that everything is work. So even though we can conceptualize with our brilliant minds, can we actualize our ambitions?? We can only truly create with action, and this action originates from its conception in our internal (mental/spiritual) womb. Once the birthday comes around we get hit with the fact that we got some work to do.
Work - hmmmmmm, i think this word has been psychologically abused, within our minds, because of the societal construct we live in. SOoooo....... how can we help rearrange our relationship with it?
I say lets change the concept, lets look at it like an ultimate life purpose rather then a paycheck that fulfills our physical requirements.
You know, I think we all struggle a bit with this reality because we're looking for more purpose. And what larger purpose could we find, then our added energy to the collective joy and compassionate understanding of one another on our own journeys!!!

Familiarity

There is a sensation welling up inside. It feels physically like my chest is cracking open, energetically like my throat is swollen, and a pulsing inside of my head that is oh so familiar, except this time, in a different way. I feel emotion creeping through me, but when I try to express it, like I have done before, it doesn't come out. The little voice inside me says that "that's not what it is."
I have no clue and I do not want to know anymore, I'm tired of knowing. Knowing hasn't gotten me anything except the entertainment I wish to no longer entertain. I want no side of the picture to be "mine". I want no opinion that is strong and convicting. I want no thing.
Lets get straight to it then, I want happiness. I am ready to stop kicking cans and beating around the bush. Happiness is it. To smile at others and myself in all ways, at all times, inside and out.

I am
I am here
I have a right to want
I have a right to desire
I have a right to happiness
and the right to be my happiness.
I am ready to be softer to myself not just others.
I am ready to believe that I am important.
I am
I am here
I am real
I am ready
I believe in me
I am solid
I am not invisible
I am influential
I am powerful
I am
I am love
I am loving
I am the best thing that has ever happened to me
I am thankful
I am blessed.
I am ready to give everything I have
I am ready to hold nothing back for my "self"
I am
I
I forgive you
I trust you
I love you
I am joyful for it all
I am because of it all
I am joy because of it
I am it
I am and I am not.

Day 3 insight of my november 30 day expansion!

DAY THREE!!!

SOoo, today i was confronted by the aggressiveness of how i want to change everything. How dissatisfied I am with how I have been treating myself internally. The two are the same, they're both resistance, and neither have helped me nurture myself. So i have created an internal dialogue of quarrel, of fight and flight. I feel my forehead clenching the skin between my eyebrows and I am constantly telling myself to relax. So i have set an offering, and from there I can grow. I see not only things inside but outside starting to shift and I am resisting. The ego in me does not want to let go, it loves to be present in my life. It loves to be recognized in its say, no matter how much it doesn't make sense. This ego has grown from all the places of discontent and victory. And so would you consider this character to have any other say then from that? Today I re-cognize the dualism inside of myself. I envelope the people that exist in me and attach to neither. From here I can observe that there is no need to be "good" or "right', but a place in which i can reside and watch. So if resistance has been a part of you, and you feel the two people inside always bickering, do not disassociate but rather exceed the attachment of who you are, to either of these ideas.

Death and Love

The two things in my life I have thought most about.
Such emotion, such passion, such inquisition.
Such acceptance in the alienation I have felt in each of these.
Such enthralment I have held in companionship with both at different times in my life.
I have wanted nothing more then to be one with death at times where I was ready to give up, but here I am, her I stand still living this life. Because I felt purpose in my belonging, that there was something whispering to me that there was more then what I had already experienced, that love would call me, that it would stand by my side and reveal to me, myself.
This is why I say “I believe in you” because I know there is more then the suffering we have shared with the silence, that your words have not been unanswered, that your calling has been the answer you have been searching for.
Its all the little things, its all the beautiful, terrible, stupendous, extravagant, imaginative, simplistic, unheard of, little things that reside not without, but within. The subtleties of you, the life and death, the love and affliction of our human experience.
So if you could see these little things for what they are, and I know you do, because I have at times. Would you start to see something real, something more significant?? And could you see them for what they are?? Unconditionally?? Could we find ourselves in a place where love was not a dream, but an actuality of real life, broken up into little things for us to appreciate. Appreciate as parts of ourselves, as extensions of the grandest mode of belief we could ever “image in” to our senses. The question is, Are you ready?? Ready to jump into life, and to die! Ready to accept that all that you have ever excepted as you (your home, workplace, family) are created in your mind. Its all inside you, the whole world!!


Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.

Icing on the Cake

The sweetness here inside our hearts
Is all the love, is all our parts
The way she speaks is sharp and clear
But she speaks so slow
We must stop to hear



Shes in our blood and in the trees
Shes in our food and in the seas
Most of all this sweetness grows
From the depths of all our souls
Its in our nature to be this sweet
Thats why we sleep
And why we eat
To see the world as sweet sensation
To see this sweetness as a way to speak
We see our lives as more then change
We see them as a sweet exchange
Where depths of sense becomes our trust
Where love and hope moves us

Such is this sweet
Sweet lovely sweet
That no more words
Could greet and meet
Let slowness guide you
To your place
Where sweetness greets you
With your grace

Uncertainty and solace

My mind finds itself questioning yet again. At the least, I know that my mind is in order, of what it is good at. The question at hand comes form the shift I have felt in my own life these past few weeks. In this place I have found that my certainty had never been certain and uncertainty has been my only solace. From my opinions to practice, I have known nothing of anything. Yet words have been a way of communicating the feelings that are most true to me, but yet these words have not been able to convey fully the expression that is to be expressed.
Although I have felt no more truth in my connection and communication then with the people I have shared with, my authenticity. That it was not the words that were said, but the driving force of self recognition and honesty that drew forth the trust and truth between them and I. Here I felt the ground beneath my feet and the heaven in my sight. SO what really is the question???
My mind is in question, and so it seems that this is what I must be at peace with. That the communication that resides true in my heart is the one where my words will be nurtured. That this place of sweetness will be the one to guide me.
And as much as I wish to elaborate on my vagueness, it is impossible. For this place that is in truth, can only be experienced. And that this overwhelming pulsation of intimate emotion within myself can only be expressed when it is “time”, when it is in truth, grace, and offering.
So what do I have to offer??? My mind begins to question, yet my heart begins to warm, as I feel my life's intention to be and show by example what it is to be. I am here to offer a view, perhaps another perception for some to see through. I offer my heart in both hands, I surrender to it all, and ask only that you would treat me truthfully in the best way you feel right now.

A daily Practice

So I just watched Enlighten up. And honestly to say it has given me a sense of ease. It had a beautiful part in it where an Indian man says to the main character who is looking for answers, that you are the practice. That you are the most important person under the sun. For you truly will always be the center of your universe. Another man says, that the channel is open on both ends.

We practice health, friendliness, fortitude, compassion, and honesty on our search for truth. Yet do we truly practice the sides of ourselves that we fear. Is it the fear of these sides that make them so magnificent? Is it really that if we practised our hatred, anger, and sadness with as full devotion as we do our happiness that we would feel it blissful? I think this can not be answered. I have experience these last few days as a cathartic state throbbing out of me. One of anger, hatred, loneliness, laughter, smiling, and crying. In this expression, I have been able to observe myself deeply. And I noticed the times I had the “hardest” with it, was when I resisted, that it was when I clung to an idea. That when I gave importance to the time and my surroundings in a way that wasn't real, like the people who may hear or observe me, may think I'm crazy. But I said crazy, not them!!!

And so I shook and shivered, laughed and slobbered. I watched myself do exactly what I wanted to do and I felt free. Now don't take me wrong, I'm not talking about enlightenment, I'm not speaking of Samadhi. More and more these past few days I have realized an insignificance of “higher” states. That they to are still just an idea that we have placed far away from our fears and made them the goal. So find yourself free, find yourself here. Everything can be exciting when you listen deeply and truthfully to what you believe.

The Miracle

Such is this peace we share so often, that we have disregarded it presence. An ingrained urge to search, a wanting for understanding of not only ones self, but of its surroundings and relation to love, our ultimate state.

I believe that this urge has come from our dissolution of ourselves, of our surroundings. We have come to call so many things, so many names. We have connected stories that have solidified our reason for understanding “whats going on”. We have created a million books to see the different ways that have been able to put these stories into different context, and box them up and say AH HA, I've got it!!! But whats an it?? really?

Reading from a book called “I and Thou” by. Martin Buber. He explains that the I-It separation is only a way in which we process thought to distinguish our “selves”. So really, anything that you may have figured out, is really just an expression of yourself. That really, we have looked for the distinguished parts so far that we have surpassed our own sight and true depth of touch. With what? I would say with what Deepak Chopra calls “the gap”. Whats in between. Why should we draw outside the lines? What fascinates us so much with defining the edges of our existence? Maybe in my own way it has been a search for perfection. But a search of perfection according to whom??

So say I finish a page in a colouring book, I've drawn in all the lines, coloured all the colours according to memory, that create what I think is it. But who created the book? Who created the colours?? Who created the memory? Even now I am finding myself being bound by the boxes of my mental complexities, but here we can find some truth. The existence of the “black space”. The spots in our mind where we seem not to be able to answer questions, but rather come up with new ones to avoid the realness that we actually know nothing. This gap can be called silence, and maybe a place in which the observer can be observed. Because here, we see further then what we have put outside ourselves. This is where miracles are born.

So we find that the human body is a microcosm of the universe. That now we know that a single molecule holds the same density of mass as the entire universe!! Where do we go from here?? We have found ourselves maxing out on our intellectual capacity. We have gained so much knowledge that we have now created a thought process that can only limit us.

But wait! There is a “solution” per say. What if you accepted that the search was no further away from you then your own heartbeat! That inside of you, there is all the information that you “will” ever want or need. You will find the truth about life and death. And that within these elements we find an equilibrium of peace. That death is needed for life, and life is essential for death. That the transformations of one thing into another is the truth of ourselves. That essentially the consciousness and acceptance, made by each organism, to give unto another so that it may continue is our love. That here we find we can use our mentality to rather understand, that we are not unconscious to the evolution of energetics. We are the observer who sees the beauty of the exchange and makes our experiences unique from our own physical perspectives.

RePost from My Dear friend Carolyn

“…God loves the soul more than anything, but he can’t rescue her alone. He needs the help of the son of the wind-the breath. When God and the breath become allies, they’re able to free the soul. Calming the breath makes the body calm down, and then the mind becomes calm. When the mind is calm, you are able to sense God’s presence in your heart.”

“Intention, commitment, sacrifice, faith, and devotion-together these produce real effects. Too often we underestimate the power of thought. Thoughts manifest. Your life is what you think it is. That’s why meditating and disengaging from the thought process helps free the self.”

“Power will eat you. It will burn you, and it will dry you up. It will suck out all your juices. Power will destroy you unless you have a pot to hold it in. The pot is your spiritual practice. And when your pot overflows with loving kindness, your spiritual practice is real.          Real spirituality isn’t about getting high; it’s about getting down. We’re already high and we’re already spiritual-we just need to get here. We need to arrive in the present. That’s where faith is; that’s where devotion is.”

What are you ready to welcome into your heart from your teachers? Will the lessons enter with struggle and pain or freely with ease and laughter?  When in doubt, keep it simple. Keep it feeling good

Thank you Carolyn for your beautiful words of wisdom. 

Confrontation

Facing the part of yourself you've not only been trying to ignore, but silently fighting. Your not happy, your bored, you feel like your not even comfortable in your own body. Uncomfortable in your own expression. Angry that this feeling still exists. Angry that you, knowing full well that you're the most powerful person in your life, haven't been able to overcome this. Your body is in pain, you feel and experience glimpses of beauty, of reality, and then it throbs back in. You try everything on your own and then you realize that your nothing but afraid, afraid to be real, afraid to be sensitive. Afraid to cry into a friends shoulder and feel supported.

Surrender

My wonderful friend

Here is the blog from a wonderful woman by the name of  Csilla. She regularly attends my saturday morning classes at the Robert Lee Ymca (10-1115am if your interested) She has been eloquently bringing the teaching i choose into a short read of inspiration. Love you lots and Thank you!!

http://csillamoffat.com/

Re-runs

Talking about those black tide pools, I was laying on my living room floor the other day with my hands on my chest, and had this unfamiliar feeling go through me. As if I didn't really know who I was. Remembering all the people who I used to be, all the roles I had played, and feelings conveyed. And I became overwhelmed with joy in the realization of the observer. And I wrote this :

Untitled

I am an Idea
Made up of all the ideas I have ever had
Thats why Im never changing
Thats why I never recognize "myself"
Behind my eyes
There is a place
And maybe this place
Is everything I've been searching for
The dark pool of mystery
The unkown desires
A full hearts fruition
And a mirror of truth.
I can never lie to myself
I've always known whats right
Like I'm watching a re-run
Of my own life

09/03/10

The Beginning

Ground Zero

So a blog? I'm thinking, what could I do here? Well lets see. My name Is Daniel Shaw. I'm in my twenties and have just begun a wonderful journey as a yoga teacher. I can't help but relate my journey here as the lotus flower and the path it takes on its way to blooming into its beauty. So much of my life I have perceived, and rightly so, as real shit. For many years I could think in no other way then anger, sadness, and jealousy. But these days I am reminded of my teachers words "All the things you have gone through, all the pain and suffering is like compost, and this feeds you, so much that it will help you grow into a beautiful tree that will bare fruit for others." Now I feel this, I feel myself rooting into the realness of my creation, of my expression, and loving the depths that come from pools of mystery. This blog is here for me to share, to give and believe.

 

I am with you.